


When the Willow Stills

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: All characters are dumbass's and I love them, Angst, Azkaban, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Black Family (Harry Potter) - Freeform, Fluff, For Paige and Ella, Gay Sirius Black, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Sixth Year, How Do I Tag, I made peter into a fat joke bc I hate him, James is a mom friend, Made it as angsty as possible for y'all, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Remus gives him love, Remus is over it honestly, Sirius is dramatic as hell, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Thanks Lara and Anna for editing, The black family sucks - Freeform, The original name for this was 'whomp me daddy', Werewolves, jily, sirius needs more love, this is a painful reading experience, whomp me daddy, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:35:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23538454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Me? The great Padfoot? Of course Moony, I'm always just peachy. Now shoo and let me get my beauty rest.” Sirius gave a very unconvincing smile.................The Marauders are back for their sixth year at Hogwarts and these idiots have a shitload coming. Magic is in the air and not the normal kind. James enters the new year content with Quidditch and Lily, his two loves. Remus enters brandishing a fresh and gruesome scar across his face. And as Sirius's home life worsens, he is simultaneously falling helplessly in love with his best friend.... What could go wrong am I right?...............Alternate Titles Include: Whomp Me Daddy and Whompluigi
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	When the Willow Stills

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Paige](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paige/gifts), [ella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ella/gifts).



A gust of wind threaded its fingers through Sirius’s hair as he stood on the platform. It had grown longer since he left Hogwarts for the summer, in rebellion of his parents wishes of course. He busied himself with adjusting his luggage on the trolly as he waited for the familiar scent of coal produced smoke to fill the platform. 

It felt as though he was alone, standing in a sea of people drowning him, but in truth his parents were right next to him. Which brought Sirius no further comfort as they had barely said a word to him since they left the house. Regulus stood with them as well, his back was bone straight as him and their mother created idle conversation of the new year ahead. Even so Sirius had no desire to talk to the people that ate away at him all those summer months. So instead he settled on waiting for the Hogwarts Express to arrive in silence.

When the train finally did arrive at the platform the smell of long craved for smoke filled his lungs as Sirius sighed. As his parents said their parting words to Regulus, Sirius made his way in haste to get onto the train. 

He yearned to see his friends again, those of whom he hadn't spoken to all summer, he yearned to go back home. In truth, Hogwarts was more of a home to him than the Black residence would ever be. 

As he boarded the train Sirius’s heart was in his throat, his shoes clanging on the metal steps into the Hogwarts Express. He made his way down the cramped corridor and Sirius released a shaky breath. He finally allowed, willed almost, for his shoulders to relax and his tensed muscles to laze. 

Sirius ran his nimble hand across the side of the compartment doors, commiting the touch to memory. His hand stopped in front of one of the compartments however when he finally found a sleepy Remus Lupin sitting inside. So Sirius pulled open the door to sit down as well.

“Hey Moony, long time no see.” Sirius thumped down on the seat next to Remus and swung an arm over his shoulder. Only when Remus turned his face from the window to face him did Sirius see. A huge gaping scar stretching across Remus’s nose and inching towards his right eye. It took everything Sirius had not to cringe away and hiss at the sight, it really was gruesome. Though Sirius also knew that Remus was already worrying enough about it, he didn’t need Sirius’s worries to pile on. So instead of commenting, Sirius kept on his charming smirk and didn’t let his eyes linger on the scar too long.

“Hello Sirius, it’s very good to see you. But all I ask is that this year be the one year you and James don’t play the ‘who can piss off the Slytherins fastest’ game.” Remus smiled a knowing smile.

“No can do mate, it’s a time honored tradition,” Sirius leaned against the opposite wall from Remus and kicked his feet on his lap, “and you know how I am about tradition Moony.”  
The door would soon open to a disheveled and panting James Potter ranting about how he almost missed the train. Following an anxious but excited looking Peter Pettigrew stumbling after James into the compartment just as the Hogwarts Express started moving. The old machine bumbled down the tracks as it made its way towards Sirius’s personal safe haven. 

Idle chatter filled the compartment as all the boys caught up with each other. Sirius just listened, he isn’t allowed letters when he’s home, so he took this time to soak them all in. Though this quiet and reserved behavior is unusual for him normally, after the years the rest of the boys figured out Sirius stays in this mood for at least a week into the first week back at school. It’s almost as if he believes he’ll be swept back home and away in an instant, it takes a couple days for Sirius to convince himself he's safe. 

Just as James goes to ask Remus about his summer, also trying but failing to ignore the new scar, Remus diverts the topic to one Lily Evans. Remus was always the intelligent one but that move was flat out brilliant in Sirius' opinion. 

Normally Sirius may have teased Moony on such desperation of topic change if he didn’t notice Remus wringing his hands nervously. James' eyes light up as soon as Lily’s name is uttered and goes on a tangent.

“I haven’t seen Lily in 3 months! 3 months! Can you believe that?”

“Oh how could you have managed.” Remus rolled his amber eyes and a smirk licked his lips.

“Mate you have no idea,” James continued blissfully unaware, “Do you think she missed me? I don't know how I made it 3 months without seeing her, I sent her letters you know. I think they got lost in the post, ‘cause she never replied.”

Sirius tuned him out after that, but James carried on for roughly thirty whole minutes. By the time he finished his Lily based rant the trolley cart lady had stopped by the door with her routine and cheerful...

“Anything from the trolley?” 

Peter almost leaps out of his seat to greet her. The three other boys either stifle a laugh or groan in annoyance. Every year Peter tries to negotiate a trade with the poor trolley lady. This year apparently Peter has taken to suggest a trade of a starch red scarf for 3 chocolate frogs. It's comical how Peter tries to pitch the tattered scarf for an irreplaceable product, how she’ll regret never taking this one time offer. The trolley lady however, seemed to be heavily uninterested in the conversation when Sirius decided to step in to help.

“Peter, mate, just cool it yeah? Here you go Ms.” He dropped three gold galleons into her boney hands and swiped Peter’s 3 chocolate frogs, offering her a charming smile. She shuts the door and moves along; Sirius gives Peter a light shove and gives him his treats. Peter happily bounced back to his seat and started on the chocolate frogs, all three leapt to life and jumped out the room. James was quick to catch and steal one then stuff it in his mouth before Peters stubby hands could grab him. 

The compartment settled into the soft lull of the train running along the old and rickety tracks. The dull hum of voices behind their walls. It was always the same, each year the first years mumble anxiously and the third years yell obnoxiously to their friends. 

Now though, the Marauders (as they had named themselves) were in sixth year. Sixth year was a year of mixed opinions, Sirius thought it was one last year until the end and time to make a name for themselves. James thought it may be about time to grow up, just a tad. Peter had always believed that they should have just gone through school as normally as possible. And Remus, well Remus didn’t really care one way or another. He was just happy he still had friends who weren’t as scared of him as he was.

Sirius knew he was being oddly quiet the whole way but still took advantage of this time to ponder long itching thoughts. Thoughts such as how he would tell his parents he was-

HISSSSSS CLANG!

The train lurched to a stop and Peter’s luggage from the overhead fell forward and into Sirius’s stomach. 

“Oof, I’ve been wounded,” Sirius dramatically fell to the floor, “Quick call a medic! I don’t have much longer!” He gasped out and let his hand drop next to him in a great show. 

“Oh dear, who will tell his wife of his death?!” James clutched his chest and fell to his knees. He held Sirius’s fallen hand and lowered his head.

“I’m not dead yet fatass.” Sirius retorted.

“Yeah yeah dead or not we still have to get off the train before it leaves.” Remus offered a quiet laugh and nudged Sirius with his foot. With a dramatic sigh, James pulled Sirius to his feet and he handed Peter his luggage back. 

After a short ride on the carriages the boys walked through the entrance to Hogwarts among the flood of students. Sirius had just made it through the grand doors when he felt someone slam into his shoulder. By the time he caught his balance and looked up Sirius was met with the smirk of his deranged cousin Bellatrix. As Sirius was mustering up a glare to shoot her way she turned her head with a sway of her hair. It was for the best though, if he did piss her off she’d probably hex him in his sleep Sirius supposed. 

He didn’t miss however that Remus, who had been standing next to him, had a dirty look shot her way. And suddenly the pain in his shoulder didn’t seem as bad.

At the feast Sirius did what he was supposed to do. He clapped when new Gryffindors were sorted, he smiled when someone looked at him and laughed when someone told a joke. He did everything and yet whenever he looked at James, James had a knowing look in his eyes. Sirius found it infuriating how James could read him so easily. It was like Prongs could see through his shirt and observe the bruises that painted Sirius’s skin. 

The walk to Gryffindor common room was anything but quiet. James was babbling on about how good Lily looked and Peter expressed how much he had missed Hogwarts food over the summer. To block their obnoxious chatter Sirius looked to Remus to distract himself.

“Hey Moony, what book do you have today?” Sirius peered over Remus’s shoulder to get a better look.

“Oh,” Remus suddenly became aware that Sirius’s head was resting on his shoulder, “Um… Well, It’s a muggle book. So I don’t think you’d know it. It’s called ‘The Catcher and The Rye.’”

“Haven’t heard of it,” Sirius mumbled, “What’s it about?”

“It’s about a kid who's menatlly ill and is expelled from his school,” Remus shrugs, “I heard it was a classic but i’m not so sure I like it all that much.”

“Sounds like a shit book to me.” 

“You think every book is shit Padfoot.” Remus laughs and Sirius smiles genuinely for the first time in months. 

Remus’s laugh was a quiet one, it's been that way since he was a child. Remus himself thought the noise sounded like a cough in short, sharp bursts; just tufts of air. 

To Sirius though, he’d always thought it was lovely. On the days he was most bored he’d spend hours trying to make Remus laugh. To be frank, he didn’t really know why. Sirius just felt a swell of pride every time he’d get Remus to laugh; or anyone for that matter.

If he was being entirely truthful, Sirius didn’t give a flying fuck about Remus’s book but he happily listened to him rant. Better listening to a rant about a book than about Lily, who he had listened to James yell about for 6 years. Wormtail on the other hand, Sirius presumed, wasn’t as sick of the topic as he was because he was still walking happily next to Prongs.

The Fat Lady came into view and oddly enough Sirius had never felt more at home. Even if one of them was currently annoying the absolute shit out of him with his failed romance life. It wasn’t like Lily wasn’t right behind James. If she tried she could hear everything he was saying. Though Sirius highly doubted she would give a damn about anything ‘Potter’ related. 

Sirius was happy to see Lily too, he hadn’t realized how much he had missed their strange relationship. He wouldn’t admit to James that he actually enjoyed her company though, but he and Lily formed an odd friendship. A friendship made from innocent teasing and similar interests that included sneaking into the restricted section late at night. Sirius would say hello to her tomorrow but sleep was the first thing to do on his agenda.

One of the seventh years opened the portrait and the rest of the Gryffindors piled into the common room. The common room welcomed Sirius with the warm smell of cinnamon and smoke. The fires light illuminated the room, the familiar flames danced on the logs. The spirit amongst the students was almost visibly lifted. Everyone was excited to be home with their friends once again. 

Immediately the chatter volume increased as second years and seventh years alike threw themselves onto the chairs. The way the twelve year olds were swallowed up into the huge red chairs was comical. The portraits themselves chatted and greeted the young witches and wizards. Maybe if Sirius was feeling like himself he’d give a heartfelt speech about how he’d dread Professor Binns class this year. For once in his life though, Sirius didn’t really want the attention.

Just as the fifth year prefects led the first years into the rowdy Gryffindor common room the Marauders headed up to their dorm to unpack their things. Now the boys were in their sixth year so the amount of stairs to be climbed had increased. Halfway up and Peter was already complaining.

“Better get used to it Wormy or else you’ll be sleeping in the common room.” James gave the panting boy a playful shove.

“Don’t feel bad Peter. These stairs suck and besides James probably Rocky’d over the summer in his psycho training for Quidditch over the summer.” Remus shrugged to cover his smirk.

“‘Rocky’d’...?” James and Peter shared a look.

“Oh for fucks sake, nevermind then,” Remus huffed and pinched between his eyes, “It’s from a Muggle film my mom showed me.” 

“Hey Moony, do you have patrol tonight?” Sirius decided to finally add to the conversation.

“Yeah Lily and I have the first shift until 12am.” Remus sighed.

“What rotten luck you have, on the first night even!” Sirius chuckled and nudged Remus’s shoulder.

“That really is awful luck, I’ll give you one of my chocolate frogs for patr- wait Lily will be there too?” James' voice piped up.

“Oh for Christ's sake Prongs,” Sirius slapped a hand to his forehead and turned to Remus again, “You say the ‘L’ word and he comes running like the mad man he is.” 

“Oh ha ha Padfoot.” James crossed his arms.

“It’s not like he’s wrong James, I think you need an intervention.” Peter's loud laugh echoed in the stairwell. Eventually everyone else joined him, even James himself.

As the boys entered their new dorm, they did what any teenage boy would do. They threw everything on the floor and jumped onto the beds claiming them as fast as they could. Peter took the far left and Remus followed suit but Sirius took to the right and James to the far right. 

Peter fell asleep almost the instant his head touched his pillow. With sleep, came Peters snores. The one thing that has haunted all three other Marauders collectively for years. By now the boys had grown sort of accustomed to it, but then again three months of practicing new sleeping patterns can wash away years of old ones. 

Sirius was so exhausted, mentally and physically, that he wasn’t too sure himself if he was conscious or not. He could hear mumbles of James and Remus and then none at all. Between periods of black Sirius could pick out foggy shapes of objects. This had been a common occurrence for him in fact this is how Sirius usually slept nowadays. His dreams were plagued with nightmares and somehow Sirius developed a way of half-sleeping that provided just enough energy to get through the day. Better this, he thought, than running into the demons that prayed on him at night. 

Unfortunately for Sirius is that 2 hours into his efforts of sleeping co-conscious would go to waste. It was 11:30 and James had gone to sleep. A comfortable silence had lulled in the room. A comfort that Sirius unconsciously took as a signal to sleep for the first time in months. He didn’t mean to of course. Fall asleep that is. Sirius had simply been swept up in the temptations of rest that he forgot about what would happen. 

\-------

It was 12 o’clock in the morning when Remus made it back to the dorm. He made it off patrol a bit early but the stairs used up most of his free time. If you asked him, Remus would’ve told you how the stair situation could easily be solved by magic. 

By the time the young wizard reached the door, Remus was exhausted. He opened the old wooden door as quietly as possible and shuffled to his bed. 

“Fucking hell Wormy, see a doctor for that sleep apnea goddamn.” Lupin whispered mostly to himself.

Remus Lupin also happens to be a sufferer of a sleep disorder. So Moony was used to staying up to late hours from insomnia. That's not to say he wasn’t exhausted of course. There is just a difference between mental and physical drowsiness. 

To appease his buzzing mind he cracked open his book and started reading. For a while as the night went on Remus was content with the leather under his fingertips and the sounds of turning pages. He got so lost into reading that he didn’t notice when the mumbling started.

\------

The concrete was cold under his frantic fingers. As if he was trying to grasp at something even he did not know of. The darkness of the room seemed to close in on him as he sat pale faced against the stone. 

Nothing greeted Sirius as he looked around. He had arrived in a dull and wet room. He was cold and delirious from pain he couldn’t recall the cause of. At his wrists and ankles chains rattled violently. The only thing illuminating the room was a barred window too high for Sirius to peer out of. The light didn’t cast very far though, almost as if the darkness had swallowed that up too…

However the sounds he heard were by far the worst. Pained gasps and moans flowed through the walls. Harrowing wails bombarded Sirius’s eardrums, his shaky hands could do nothing to stop it. 

Fear crept up on Sirius like a snake, slow and venomous. It struck his heart with a vicious stab and shook down his spine. His body was shaking, unsure if it was from the cold or the fear. His breath showed in front of him, in deep puffs it billowed freely out of him. 

Sirius didn’t know where he was or what was happening, but he did know one thing. This wasn’t a dream. 

He didn’t know what exactly it was but everything felt so vivid, so clear. Too neat and aware to be any sort of dreamed up concoction from his subconscious. 

It's not as if Sirius hadn’t felt fear. He has and more than his fair share of it. But this fear was different, laced with another element. Grief almost? Like he was mourning someone he didn’t know…

Guilt.

Guilt is what Sirius felt. Fear, pain and guilt. 

Why Sirius felt this way he wouldn’t know for a long time. All he knew was that he was in agony. His lips were split and his eyes were dry. His nails were the most dirty he's ever seen them as and his bare feet were bleeding. 

A scream ripped through Sirius’s tortured lungs. But it came out muffled like he was under water. He felt like he was drowning but his ribs were on fire. He was in so much pain he couldn’t feel his fingers. He couldn’t tell the difference between emotional and physical anymore. So Sirius did the only thing he could, he screamed.

Until that is, when he heard a voice calling his name.

\-------  
The mumbles had turned into restlessness when Remus had even decided to lift his eyes off of the pages of his book. He glanced at Sirius who was mumbling meaningless words while tossing in his bed. 

Remus didn’t think much of it to be honest, why would he when Sirius had a slight habit of sleep talking?

That didn’t stop however the nagging inkling in the back of Remus’s head that something wasn’t right. So every few minutes he’d make sure to look up to check on Sirius.  
It was around 1:30 in the morning when the mumbles turned into whimpers. Sirius’s long, boney fingers gripping the sheets violently. His face contorted and scrunched up in pain. Pathetic noises escaping his lips.

Remus didn’t really know what to do, this hadn’t ever happened before. His first instinct was to ask James but James was fast asleep. So he set down his book on his nightstand and crept over to Sirius’s bed. 

When he reached Sirius, Remus noticed sweat dripping down his face and neck and shameful tears rolling down his cheeks. He was hesitant to disturb him, Remus didn’t know what boundaries he was crossing here. 

So he started out with a light poking and whispering his name softly. When that failed to console the sleeping boy Remus shook him with one hand. Then another hand. Then he whispered his name harsher and harsher until he wasn’t whispering at all. 

“Sirius, mate wake up. Padfoot. Pads. Sirius!” Remus’s hands shook his shoulders in an effort to wake him, “Please Padfoot, wake up! You’re just dreaming! Pads!”

When Sirius did wake up it was abrupt. His eyes shot open and he let out a quiet but startled yelp. His hands started to move Remus’s away as he scrambled in panic. 

“Pads! Sirius! Are you alright?” Remus couldn’t seem to get through to the boy. Sirius’s glazed eyes and frantic hands made it clear he wasn’t aware of where he was.

“Sirius buddy hey,” Remus cupped Sirius’s face with his hands and forced the boys delirious eyes onto him, “Pads, you’re here ok? You’re at Hogwarts, your home, you’re safe. It’s me Moony yeah? Remember me?”

“Moony? Moons I-” Sirius’s words choked in his mouth, “I’m home?”

“Yeah, yeah mate you’re home.” Remus sighed of relief and sat on the bed.

“Moons I-” Sirius looked as if he had just realized the situation and his face darkened, “I'm ok. Sorry to wake you, you should go back to bed.”

“Oh uh Ok. Will you be alright?” Remus subconsciously fiddled with his hands.

“Me? The great Padfoot? Of course Moony, I'm always just peachy. Now shoo and let me get my beauty rest.” Sirius gave a very unconvincing smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading it means the world to me. I really hope you enjoyed. Comment below suggestions for where the story goes, I want to interact with y'all.  
> Love ya!  
> -El


End file.
